Weathering the storm of Grief and anxiety
Anxiety isn’t always a bad thing. It can keep us organized and on task, driven, productive, efficient, ambitious, and successful in life. And while people while anxiety sometimes get pathologized as “control freaks,” feeling in control can give us a sense of agency in our own lives or a feeling of directing the outcome.
Before a significant life event, you may not have considered yourself an anxious person. But, when seismic life events happen- whether a break-up, separation, divorce, death of a loved on, unanticipated lay off, or some other ending- you might find yourself with overwhelming anxiety. It could be that you’ve never experienced anxiety before or it could be that you have, but the effective strategies and coping mechanisms that you’ve used to work aren’t working now.
Can grief bring on anxiety?
Grief is a totally normal and natural reaction to a loss. And with grief can come anxiety, also totally normal. Just read these google search terms that people are looking for answers to, the bolded letters are all forms or symptoms of anxiety:
How long does anxiety last after a death?
Can grief cause hypochondria?
how do I stop obsessing over someone who died?
is overthinking part of grief?
So, how do you deal with anxiety of losing someone?
To answer this question, let’s look at some of the symptom clusters of anxiety in grief. These symptom clusters include emotional, physical, and behavioral symptoms. Anxiety tends to flare when our systems are overloaded. While you can’t change a significant life event that has happened, what can you let go of and how can you prioritize self-care the give yourself a break?
emotional symptoms of grief and anxiety can include:
Concentration difficulties, distractibility, absentmindedness, or your mind going blank
Feeling nervous, anxious, stressed, afraid, or overwhelmed
Feeling powerless, helpless, or out of control
Experiencing worrisome thoughts and difficulty controlling the worry
Preoccupation, rumination, or obsessive thoughts
physical symptoms of grief and anxiety can include:
Feeling restless or on edge
Fatigue and lack of energy
Muscle tension, headaches or tension in your neck or shoulders
Chest pain or shortness of breath
Loss of appetite, nausea, vomiting, or other gastrointestinal upset
And behavioral symptoms of grief and anxiety can include:
Irritability and impatience,
Low frustration tolerance,
Snapping at people,
Restlessness or inability to sit still
Sleep disturbance - commonly, difficulty falling or staying asleep
Anxiety is often present in the aftermath of loss. Before significant life events happen, we have a sense of control over the direction of our lives. But when a seismic life event happens, that assumption- that we have control and that life is predictable- is shattered. Therapy can help you process what you’ve been through and develop strategies to cope with your anxiety.
But a traditional weekly therapy session is only an hour, leaving 167 hours in the rest of the week. If you’re interested in a longer session utilizing EMDR aka an EMDR intensive, let me know here. You can find more information about EMDR here. Here are a few things I recommend clients try outside of their sessions to help them manage their anxiety, whether or not they are grieving a loss.
Stick to a routine.
Anxiety thrives on chaos, which makes you feel out of control and drives your need to control things around you. Focus on what you can control, more order and organization makes things feel more predictable in the midst of chaos. On the flip side, lack of routine, disorganization, clutter, and chaos can promote more stress.
Balanced diet and regular meals.
I’m not dietician, but having a consistent routine can create more calm, control, and predictability. Just like creating and sticking to a daily routine and sleep routine can help manage anxiety, so can consistency in your eating routine. Prioritize taking care of yourself each day with nourishing food and drink plenty of water. Before you say you don’t have the time, what can you delegate, let go of, or ask for support around in order to make the time? Frequently, people with anxiety feel like they’re responsible for EVERYTHING, but realistically, you’re not.
Here are two daily anxiety-relieving prescriptions I give to clients. Meditate or exercise daily.
Meditation can look different for different people. Sure, there are guided meditations on apps like Calm, Headspace, Insight Timer, and Youtube. But meditation can also be types of exercise like yoga, tai chi, or a gentle walk. For those who enjoy cooking, the process of making a stew may be meditative, first you gather your ingredients, then you chop your base vegetable, then you add your spices, your broth, then you allow it to simmer while occasionally stirring.
Meditation doesn’t have to require intense focus, just enough that the brain is in the present and occupied by the task at hand while your endless to-do list is on the back burner. I used endless intentionally, there will ALWAYS be things on your to-do list even when you cross off a few. Don’t set yourself up to cross everything off the list, because new things will pop up!
Crafting can be meditative for some people. Whatever creative outlets lead to you feeling in flow can be great meditation.
Exercise or move your body every day. And a gentle walk counts as exercise. Have you ever tried yoga or tai chi? Both combine the benefits of exercise, meditation, and breathing. Start small and easy, then notice how you feel after.
Get fresh air and get out in nature.
Take a walk on a local nature trail or a hike through the woods. Engage all five or your senses as you walk. Name as many things as you can see (the trees, the textures, the colors), hear (the birds, the breeze, rustling leaves), smell (pine needles, wood, earth), feel (the air on your skin, texture of bark, smoothness of leaves), and taste (the air, no need to eat anything in the woods!).
Breathing exercises.
Try paced breathing by inhaling for a count of 4, holding for a count of 4, then slowly exhaling for a count of 8, for easy math and memorization: 4 + 4 = 8, then repeat five times. Alternatively, try box breathing. Breathe in for 4, hold for 4, breathe out for 4, hold for 4 (4x4x4x4), then repeat.
Limit caffeine and alcohol.
Stimulants like caffeine and nicotine in cigarettes can worsen anxiety by increasing energy, elevating heart rate and blood pressure, and making you feel jittery. And while alcohol may have a temporary calming sensation because it’s a sedative, once its calming and sedative effects wear off, you may feel more anxious, called rebound anxiety. Alcohol can also disrupt your sleep, which in turn can cause anxiety in the morning.
Get plenty of rest.
Speaking of rest… Having trouble sleeping? Sleep disturbance that can look like difficulty falling/staying asleep or fitful/disrupted sleep. If anxiety is the root of your sleep disturbance, trying a combination of the above should help to improve your sleep! In addition, do your best to be consistent by going to bed and waking up at the same time daily. Assess your sleep environment- is your room dark, the right temperature, are your bed, pillows, and sheets comfortable? If not, what changes can you make? Avoid too much screen time 1-2 hours before bed. If you wake up in the middle of the night, don’t look at the clock, just allow yourself to drift off again.
LOOKING FOR THERAPY Or counseling IN ANN ARBOR, MI?
Hi, I’m Nikki. A graduate of the University of Michigan School of Social Work and a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 17+ years of experience. In my online therapy practice, I support adults through life’s tough transitions, traumas, losses, and other adversities. I hope these tips and strategies help you find the right therapist in Ann Arbor or across Michigan. Reach out to me to schedule your FREE 15-minute phone consultation.